Journey back to Love

There is one dance we have in this Earth and this is our dance in staying in Love, and our journey away from it. I have been in the flow, think of rivers and tides, getting pulled back by Fear and then moving forward in Love.

The description is poetic, but the moment that thing happens is the least moment I’d want to stay in. But, then it happens. And as it happens, all I know is to stay in the present and let the tears flow like liquid prayers.

The past few months, I find myself crying myself to sleep. And, I couldn’t figure out why and if I pinpoint the reasons, there could be five or six that I can think of. But, more so, I feel it is my soul aching. Aching to do what it wants. It is my soul desiring to love and be loved, to be seen and be appreciated. Even though, I never lacked that growing up, but there’s this threshold that my soul wants to enter, that I cannot reach alone.

Call me maarte or ma-drama, but that is what I want.

Tonight, I don’t want to lament or torment myself of how I am kind of a wee bit far from the place I want to be. There were fleeting moments I’d see glimpses of the possibilities of what lies ahead,and I am truly thankful to God for those moments.

Tonight, I just want to cast out my desires….

I want you to hold my hand, and maintain contact, to speak even without words but through the slightest of touch or if you are not around send me your waves of love even in times I am not loving at all.

I want you, gentle enough to understand me during my crazy moments and whose love will not waver at the slightest rock and movement of the boat.

I want you, not to give up. I want you not to dismiss my feelings but honor and appreciate them as it happens.

Yes, you won’t be perfect. And I will always always do my part to understand you.

Yes, you won’t be sending me the same love I would be giving you. I am not asking you to out-give me. I am simply asking you to be vulnerable enough to feel and join me in this journey.

I want you to hug me when I am hysterical. You don’t really need to spoil me by doing whatever it is that I want. All I want is a simple smile from you and that love that emanates from you telling me you would never abandon me or ask me to go away.

I also want you to be brave enough to tell me what you see in me that I do or say that hurts you or invalidates you. I want you to be transparent to me.

I don’t want you to be scared to tell me the truth.

I want you to TRUST me. I want you not to put up walls when I ask uncomfortable questions. I want you to understand me, that the reason I ask, was for me to know you more and understand you not because I am doubting you.

I want you to be safe in my arms as I hold your precious dreams and desires close to my heart.

I want to be your well of admiration, appreciation and love. I want you to relax in me.

I want you to know I am your ally.

I want to support you achieve your highest version of yourself as you support mine.

I want our partnership to grow with Christ in our midst.

I want to sleep in your arms.

I want you to choose Love not once, not twice but everyday even if it’s hard. But, on moments you fall hard, I will be there with you and be patient with you as you grow into the partnership with me.

The ride won’t be easy. It won’t be always unicorns and rainbows, even though I always paint you scenarios of that. We will go through walls and thorns and fight dragons if we have to. And just Trust in the our Love that over flows from one another.

I want you to love me not because you lack… but because you are so full of it. I have always loved you from an overflow, and when my love tank’s level goes low, I want you to recognize it as a temporary moment.

That, what I need from you is just your arms around me, telling me everything will be alright. You don’t need to have a solution every time.

I want to hear you say: Please stay with me. I don’t want to lose you. Not to be dependent on me or not because you are in need of me. But, because you know you don’t need me, but you want me to be with you.

I want you to never stop showing me how much I mean to you.

I want a love that rewards instead of punishes when one fails or stumbles.

I want you to know my weakness, and trust you enough that you won’t take advantage of it. As i honor yours.

I want you to know, that no matter what happens, you have me. I am your partner, your lover, your sister, your mother, your goddess, your queen, your Shekinah, who will be with you every step of the way and yet wise enough to give you space to grow on your own whenever necessary.

I want you to be comforted in the knowing that  I accept you just the way you are. Warts and all.

I know all good things take time. I am not asking the heavens to hurry up.

I just wanted to be in touch with my soul and be really clear of what I want to experience in the relationship I choose to be in. In the relationship that I deserve to be in.

Maybe, God is still preparing you. Or maybe I am not ready for you.

I will be here waiting for you.



Of space captains and Angels

Here’s a wonderful reading from my favorite book of Marianne Williamson 🙂


Our wounds have been brought forward, not to block the experience of love, but to serve it. It is in the forgiveness of our weaknesses that we are healed of them, and the tenderness of a forgiven heart is a tenderness that will ultimately heal the world.

Can the purpose of a relationship be to trigger our wounds? In a way, yes.. because that is how healing happens; darkness must be exposed before it can be transformed. It’s not a place where we can hide from our weaknesses, but rather where we can safely let them go. It takes strength of character to truly delve into the mystery of an intimate relationship.

Of Space Captains and Angels

“I came for you, I came for you, but you could not see me. I swam the seas, I traversed the coals, I died a thousand deaths for you. I found my way, I did, I did. But when I got there, you had fallen asleep. You had drunk their potions and I could not wake you. I got there in time but your eyes were closed.”

Oftentimes, we pray for something and then miss the miracle when it actually happens. Many have said. “I wish I could have a great love,” while blind to the fact that it was standing right in front of them.

Sometimes, love arrives as though it were a spaceship landing in the back yard. The captain comes out of the ship and says to us, “Hi! I’m here to beam you up! Come on! We’re going!

Yet so many times we reject him, saying, “Uh well, I cant just leave here so fast. Actually, I cant even believe you’re here. How long do I have to prepare my things?

And he says, “You have no time at all. Your entire life has been spent preparing. Now, we must go quickly. If you wait, your eyes will adjust and you will no longer see me. Ive just landed for a bit, to pick you up. You have an hour max. You can make further plans from the ship.

The captain sees that we are bewildered, but so is he. “Haven’t you been asking for this for years?” he asks.

Well, yes,” we say. “I have. But I guess I didn’t think you were coming…. I sort of made a life for myself here, in the meantime.

Not that much of one, judging from your prayers at night,” he tells us. “Let’s go, if you’re coming, I can’t wait forever.

And then we say, if we say it, what is ultimately the most tragic thing we will ever say, and that is, “No, thank you.”

No, I don’t choose the ride, even though I want it desperately. No, I don’t want to beam up now, even though its a living hell down here. No, I don’t choose the path of wild and radical and authentic love, even though I know I am dying without it. I think I’ll just settle for “good enough”.

Angels are on board those spaceships, appearing everywhere now, often in the guise of loved ones holding the torch that would light our way through darkness. On the other side of that darkness is the light in which dreams come true. But there are demons in that darkness, to be sure, and we can feel them. They almost paralyze us with fear. All those unloved parts of ourselves are there, ugly and twisted and ready to destroy. They live in the darkness, on the other side of which is paradise itself. Even though the only way to paradise is through the darkness – and even though the fire of the angel’s torch will burn the demons up, not us – we do not trust that. We lack faith. We are staunch and calcified in our refusal to choose love, and so we say to the angel, “No, you go ahead. I’ll stay here.

The angel looks at us in disbelief; the refusal of ecstasy is unknown to heaven. The space captain can scarcely believe his ears, but NONINTERFERENCE IN AND RESPECT FOR THE CHOICES OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING (free will), is a must on the enlightened path. Not that you can force anyone onto a spaceship anyway. One only rides on the wings of an angel if one is seriously committed to the experience of heaven. The lure of hell is so real here.

Still, as the ship takes off, the captain looks at the angel on board and notices that there are tiny sparkling rivers of water, falling from her eyes.

Back at the headquarters, the angel reports to higher-ups.

He chose not to go“.

The superior is silent, witnessing the angel’s pain. The angel continues. “I can hardly believe it. He chose not to go.

Do you think he understands the consequences?” asks the superior.

I don’t know.” says the angel.”I think he thinks that staying there is the more responsible thing to do.

Responsible… to whom? To what?

I dont know. Its strange. He’s not ecstatically happy there, but he thinks it’s his duty to stay. He feel its an adult situation and he lives in fear that he is not one.

Yes, of course. We’ll weve seen this before. They choose psychology over poetry. We keep trying to evacuate that realm before the storm hits, but people refuse evacuation.


You prayed for him, of course.

oh, yes. with all my heart.

Well. Job well done. Sorry if your heart was a little bruised on this mission. It’s one of the risks, you know. It can happen, of course.

of course.

Still, they’re touching creatures.Contentious but touching.


The angel was trained for love, she was disciplined for love, but her tears still flowed.

You’re excused. You may go.

As the angel turned around to weep, her superior called her back.

I say one thing…. Do remember – you’ll see him again someday.

Will I really master? Will I really?

Of course you will. You must cling to your own faith at times like these. How else can you convince them of theirs, if you don’t?

FOR MANY OF US, its not that we don’t want the spaceship to come and get us, so much as we are completely taken aback by its form. We expect angels to have a different look. We don’t recognize a gift from heaven, and how could we, when we have not truly believed that heaven exists? We don’t quite compute what has occurred until often it’s too late.

We didn’t think this love would be human. We’re thrown off by his/her profession, or his/her freckles and warts, or his/her past. We didn’t expect love to awaken our biggest fears and insecurities and doubts. We thought it would bring more immediate comfort. And so we wanted it, but we didn’t. When you’ve lived in a dungeon for a very long time, the light, when you see it, actually hurts your eyes.

The arrival of a soulful love often comes quickly, like that spaceship in the yard. There is little time to prepare before the flight takes off, just a window of opportunity, a cresting wave and then its over. There will be little time to pack one’s bags, so its best to travel lightly through life. There will be people you know you should have said good-bye to long ago. We are living in the end times. New beginnings are upon us now.

We cannot burst through the old earth’s atmosphere without another at our side. It takes two to make a spaceship. We can;t generate the power to fuel the ship until we download the forces that only love can burn off. We must be fearless, as only love can make us fearless. We must be tender, as only love can make us tender. We must be fierce, as only love can make us fierce.

How weak we are when we are not yet ready to let love rip us open.

Is this thought – that a woman’s love cannot transform a man, that a man’s love cannot transform a woman – really to be heralded as some kind of wisdom? It is not wisdom. It is a poisonous emotional pesticide that kills the fruits of love. It is a denial of the deeper regions of the heart, a resistance to the experience of freedom.

The miracle of love is expressed through other people. When a beloved is sent from God – and no one can tell you if they are, but the spirit within you – then they do hold the key to your soul’s liberation. God has given it to them. They contain, in every touch and sigh, the information you need, the miraculous power to alchemize your weakness and turn them into strengths, to dry your tears and turn them into genius, to release your chains and set you free to be your passionate self at last.

Woe to the one who does not yet know enough to say a deep and robust ” Yes” to such love, to bow before its truth, to be humble before its power, to surrender to the gales of wind that storm through lovestruck hearts.

How tragic it is when we are too arrogant to defer to love, to put all small considerations and say, “I am going there.” How stupid it is to say no to the power of God’s loving choice for us. How sad it is to think so little of ourselves that we cannot believe that he or she stands before us, sent by God, is an angel come to give us wings. We have so little awe these days before the mysteries of the universe.

Yet if we are in the habit of denying God, then of course we deny His angels, too. And they hold, like pietas, the bodies of our unchosen loves. Angels weep – because their hears are open – and I think God weeps as well to see such joy denied. And you continue to pray for what you’ve already received, and will one day realize that what you let fly by was a miracle intended to heal you. You might even say so, but by then.. it will probably be too late.

Angels only come to pick up passengers, to fly away with them to paradise. Everything else is so ultimately silly and everything else is so sad. There is one more thing to know about the angel who came for you. The angel who came to fly you to paradise in reality had only one wing. She needed the angel in you to come forth, to be to her what she was willing to be to you. Thus your need for, your dance, your flight with each other.tumblr_lrjlmuyeYT1qz72oio1_500

Together, you would have had one set of wings.

Next time she comes – whoever she is – perhaps you will not deny her. Next time she comes, be humble before God. Next time she comes, admit your pain. Next time she comes, come forth yourself. Next time she comes, let go your resistance. Next time she comes, be brave.

I dont know if we can hold onto this, you said.

Why couldn’t we? I asked. I could see you slipping back and it scared me.

We can’t be this way, and stay responsible. We cant be this way.. and I dont know.. I just dont think we cant be this way.

Then you can’t. But I can. And then I swam away.

Its hard to show for someone else when you don’t know how to show up for yourself. how can you give of yourself when you don’t really think you’re anything worth giving? Sometimes we block the flow when we think that we personally have nothing to give.

What love does if it is allowed to, is to combine people’s energies in ways that lift their lives to a mode of divine right order, where new ideas, new possibilities, and new opportunities for growth emanate directly from the heart of God. Our job is not to abort the process.

The challenge of our generation is to move from me to we. That is the maturity we assume when we wish to learn to love each other from a healed and holy place. Narcissistic people are lonely. Narcissistic people misunderstand independence, often mistaking the commitment to aloness for psychological health.

We were taught to go after things that we could control. Love, of course, drives you, and not the other way around. Most of us both, men and women, are terrified of merging our hearts with another. We say were not, but we are. Even when we are in relationships, we avoid their mystical power. We turn lovers into roommates, butlers or maids. We avoid the real light and were afraid it will swallow us up. And that’s because it would, and it does! Overwhelming our sense of separateness is in fact love;s spiritual purpose. A career, you can control. Love, you can’t. Terrifying news that, but wonderful once you get the hang of it.

Meeting of the Titans

What a day! What a way to spend the first day of April…. I don’t even know where to start because this is one of the days.. I will want to remember…

It started out with a sweet morning with my darlingboo… and with him giving me my first april fool’s joke!

Boo: Break na tayo!
Me: Ha??? Why? Huhuhuhu
Boo: Wehehe. April Fool’s!!
Me: Hay salaaamaat!!! Kala ko totoo
Boo: bakit ? Gf ba kita?
Me: Ay oo nga pala! Hihihi BF lang nga naman kita, at BF mo ko.. And di yun nab-break eh!

I swear! Lakas naman bumawi ni boo.

After my usual sweet extraordinary morning with him..

I got myself ready for this big day! Today, I initiated a meet-up with two of my mentors. One is Hawaiian visiting us and another is a Filipino.

I knew they are destined to meet! And what better way, than to fetch the Hawaiian mentor whom I will call BC and my Filipino Mentor whom i will call Ninang…..

When BC saw me earlier as I fetched him, he said: You know, you have a gift… It is your presence… It makes people wanna go: *sigh* and relaxed… Like a wave of relief. Well, i know you are not like this sometimes cause you go through challenges on your own… But, when you are like this.. Peaceful.. This is you….

I laughed and was humbled to hear that and thanked him for the affirmation that I am doing my part in giving service to humanity and the people around me by my mere presence.

Ever since I attended the workshop of BC last September of year 2012… I had a flash that Ninang needs to meet him.

BC visited many times after that but never had the chance to sit down with ninang. They did meet once in Manila….but that was it.

Anyway, the initial plan was just to drop BC off and I won’t stay that long.. But then when I was about to leave, they both asked me to stay.

The Titans asked me to stay?!!!! Of course, I stayed and listened to the whole conversation…

How both of them have similar mission and purpose in life. What I admire about them is that both of them are clear with what they are doing and have given up all the extravagant lifestyle to live simply so they can teach others to simply live! They are here to help spread love and respect and to walk the talk… And how you can use your own gifts God gave you to aid in the journey of spreading love, kindness and peace and abundace throughout humankind…

With BC, he always emphasizes: No one should be left behind.

Both of them are concerned how to reach the grassroots because we all need to help them.

And with that a strong alliance was made… Both of them are coming up of ways to support the healing and the birthing of love in the deep recess of our hearts…

I had goosebumps and a lot of a-ha moments listening to the two of them…

There were just so many things happening! And it’s like something sure is happening around the world.. Because why the two needs to meet? And with urgency to gather all…. to aid the healing.. of all relationships, and bringing in Love… And to Respect another.

I served them lunch that time.. I dropped off BC at a certain mall and on the way.. I squealed when I heard a faint familiar music playing in the background:

“And i can change the world, I will be the sunlight in your universe”

I said: BC!!!!! Listen to the song!

And he smiled and said: That’s a sign! Because what we had in mind will change the world 🙂

They had a discussion that America is slowly losing its identity because it doesn’t know it’s roots. Only Hawaii has a culture left, but its being westernized day by day and many young are forgetting the roots. And it doesn’t have culture unlike most countries like the Philippines. The only way America will find itself is through war because they were founded through war. It has gone numb.

But, in the Philippines it is here that BC found the most faith-based country. Everything spiritual is very automatic in the Philippines. Everyone anchors with God and our Source…. that’s why he keeps coming back.
And it is here he feels most love…..

After that the song “Someday We’ll Know” played and we had a brief discussion about the missing Malaysian plane… And then “Sleeping Child”

Those three songs gave us affirmation the connection of our Divine life purpose to the world..

Afterwards, I conducted a workshop.. Its our last session and our closing and it went really well.. Its a different story altogether…

And then after that.. We headed off to another office of ours… And met the others where we stayed till quarter to 11? Or something… And discussed about what more we can bring in … and how we can better service the world…through our friends and families and people who will come to us … and journey with.

But, not after giving everybody the april fool’s joke that BC and ninang’s meeting did not go well and they had a huge fight..
Some caught the joke right away.. The others their faces were like: Huwaaaaay??? Huwaaat?!!! How can that beee?!!

So laughtripppp!!

My day ended well too .. Boo stayed up with me till our ka-meet arrived… And and and I saw sweet ecards on my inbox… I was so touched with that. It’s one of my boo’s winning moves! You always make me happy talaga!

It’s the fourth month… And not even halfway 2014 but im experiencing bliss with my boo and everybody around me.
To the point someone mentioned..

“I like your makeup today!!”

And i was like: But, i didnt wear any makeup at all today?

Ahhh must be my happy aura.. Since my vision is happening.. And I know and i am rested because i havethe support of my family and friends and my boo to come home to.. At night and to wake up with every morning….

I also thank my Loving Father, the Source, my God… of always guiding me.. I know there are times I doubt myself but the past two weeks … Your message was: Believe….
Which affirmed me to believe in what I do… And what You want me to do…
And last Saturday your message was: Love

Thank you…

I do believe…

Yours in Love,



Pure Bliss 2014

All my intentions last 2013 …. came true!!!!!

and my 2014 was a smooth transition… well more than smooth.. it was coupled with warm hearts and love. *smiles*

The year started well!

And well it’s time for my annual ritual of setting this year’s theme…… and it’s Pure Bliss 2014!!

This year… I choose to nurture and cherish what God gave me …. infused with heavenly warmth….

I choose to love & respect myself more…

I choose to live  full out and be authentic….I choose to reach out to more people…

I choose to let go of things that does not serve me….

I choose to harvest millions and more!!! *excited*

I choose for this year to have many adventures and cherished-moments with my loved ones…. and boo  *smiles*

I choose to make my life a masterpiece to inspire people that they too can create a meaningful and well loved life….

I choose to make more healthy choices, be it in rest and in eating well… and keeping my body fit!

I choose to travel and explore more,,… and being more open by staying out of my box…. creating a lot of loving firsts..

I choose to paint my year with a dash of spontaneity, fun, laughter, filled with gratitude, generous, care-free moments!

I choose to be guided by God all the time, with the support of the angels to do my life’s purpose and be a child of Light.

I choose to be strong and whole, courageous and confident, capable and successful, and free!!!

I choose to celebrate more with my loved ones 🙂 I choose to be more fun-loving, beautiful, and wise Maria, inspiring many Maria’s to create a fabulous life!

I choose to make positive changes to help/support the transformation of Philippines.

I choose to bring out the child-like qualities in me this year… being more free each day…

I choose to BE-ing more… being love, joyful, excited, compassionate, vibrant,enchanting, creative, beautiful, elegant, classy, more present and aware and evolved….

I choose to pay more attention to the signs and symbols and thereby always being at the right place at the perfect time… with the right people…..

I choose to surround myself with like-minded people. Meeting more people with the same vision and mission in life. I choose to meet more people I admire in transforming our world.

I choose to be a good daughter, caring sister, trusted friend, generous business partner and a loving partner to my boo …

I choose to keep my passion and embracing each day like it’s my first day!!

I choose to explore new things that will support me in the future and treasuring every journey i embark on…

I choose to travel with my boo.. *blushes*

I choose to swirl my life with colors of happiness, trust, faith, love, magical, enchanted moments…..

I choose to experience and enjoy God’s blessings… and being a blessing..This year, I choose to celebrate God’s abundance, more enchanted moments with my boo, more laughter and fun-times with my friends and family, and yes ….. more magical kisses please….

all of this…. in God’s glory… and just like Heaven….. So be it and So it is…..

will you choose me?

In the past, I’ve played with my ideals of being this modern, bold, empowered woman. That, no man can tame me. That, I’d go chase after what I truly want… even if that involves having “no man” in my life.

I grew up thinking that men and babies should be secondary goals… that I have other important things to do than to love a man… but then, I am asked… what is true love… and the miracle of giving birth to a baby next to the awesome high of fulfilling reports and recognition in career?

I thought my romantic and enchanted longings deserved less respect than my longing for chasing my professional career.

But, deep inside… I realized, I have been masking a deeper longing about having someone to share my life with. there’s this longing… to share my life to another. And, I cannot, ignore it anymore. That part of what I truly want…. is a romantic, emotional …. fulfillment.

and mind you… this is not something out of “loneliness”… this is something beyond that… there’s a journey in life… where it stops..

that there’s an enchanted realm where you are only allowed to enter… two by two. you cannot go through that area alone. you’ve got to find someone who loves you enough… to choose you to journey with him…..

and with that.. here are the things I want and desire….

I want a deep, long lasting love… and I want that kind of relationship.

I dont want just a relationship to make me feel secure….

I want friendship and companionship… and someone whom i can be passionately intimate with.

I want the nurturing support of another man…. and I desire the attention of someone who would care for me, notice me, love me and adore me, and someone who can help and support me. I desire someone who understands what I truly like… and then would make plans for me…

I want someone who anticipates my needs, wishes and wants, without me having to ask… I want someone who cares for my well-being, and understands what I am going through in life and recognize the validity of how I feel…

I want someone who would listen… I want someone whom.. I can be safe to be with… whom I can just be with..

I want someone who misses me and who desires to be with me…I want for me to love him and trust him freely, and then rest in the knowing that my love is returned.

I desire someone who is trustworthy and that I can confide in… I want someone whom I can share my life with… so I know that I don’t have to go through life alone…

and most specially… i desire someone who would choose me…. over and over again…..

and with that intention… out in the Universe…

I will be here… waiting for you. 🙂

and  I ask the angels…. to illumine your mind, and enlighten your heart… and for my eyes to see… you. to recognize … that it’s been you all along. or maybe its my mind that needs illuminating.. and your eyes that needs clarity….

but, to you I say this…

I cant wait to take my shoes off and stay with you for a while….

I can’t wait to swim with you….. one day.

may my love for you…. guide you to me….. 🙂

not traditional

“If you really like someone, aim to spend lots of one-on-one time together with no distractions. Talk about your lives, and unearth each other’s interests. Share your hopes and dreams. Bypass small talk, and dive into what’s really important to you. Speak soulfully and listen attentively. This way you can create an amazing connection in a matter of hours that would take weeks to accomplish with traditional dating. This is about getting to the core and the essence when it comes to the person you relate with.”

(Conscious Relationship – Being Open and Honest)

this sounds like …. what Jesse did in the movie…. Before Sunrise, Before Sunset and Before Midnight. 🙂