Once upon a ladybug

Last July 13th, I found a ladybug beside me while on a cabride. It took me awhile to take a photo of it because it was way too “malikot”.

But, at least I finally got a shot at it.

  
I know ladybugs have a meaning and that they are messages from the beyond.

“The appearance of a ladybug heralds a time of luck in which our wishes begin to be fulfilled. Higher goals and new heights are now possible as worries dissipate. New happiness comes about. This insect cautions not to try too hard or go too fast to fulfill dreams but letting it just flow with its natural pace. This symbolizes not to be scared to live your own truth and to protect it and that it is yours to honor.”

It simply means to just let go and Let God. β€οΈπŸ’•

Thank you for showing up in my life ladybug! 🐞 

Love,

K

Prelude

The person you depend on the most may leave you, but God never will. 

And He shows His love by allowing me to meet gentle people. 

And this time… I am introduced to teenagers! I am humbled by my experience with the teenagers, they are going through so much and it is hard that the adults in their lives whom they depend on the most… Abandons them.

But, now they choose to forgive their parents because the parents did not know how… 

My small group was a gem! Even though there were two makulits hehe. But, the leader of the team is with me. I am also the Chief. I received good feedback and i felt i handled myself well despite my emotions peaking and diving but I stayed grounded and centered for the kids. I am guided, as always.

Service to God from now on will go first, then my family. πŸ’•β€οΈ  Anyway, in the end they will always be the one who will never abandon you. If one day, I will be blessed with someone who will love me truly, and who will never leave me.. I’d be honored. But, for now.. If this is how it would be with me.. I choose to be happy where God will take me. 

My 2 day workshop with the kids was a good prelude for the upcoming Holy Week. It made me look deeper inside and cleansed me from remaining pains and the current resentment building within me. But, I choose Love. *hugshugsGodandtheangels* 

Thank you for always enveloping me with your Love through the Kids (Shawn, Josh, thyra) amazing facilitators Bam and Ryan (who really inspired me in a different way), my awesome buddy Myra, my superduper loving sister Darlene and beloved ate Kates! Oh and there’s kulit Anot! 

I am deeply inspired by Sir Yet and Sir Jayvee who is generous enough to minister to the kids. I can feel their love and care. I am comforted that Davao is blessed with powerful people like Sir Yet and Jayvee who chooses to bless other people in our city in a large scale.

I am confident, Philippines is transforming πŸ’•

We had an awesome dinner the past 2 days as well. 

And that one is another story…

Journey back to Love

There is one dance we have in this Earth and this is our dance in staying in Love, and our journey away from it. I have been in the flow, think of rivers and tides, getting pulled back by Fear and then moving forward in Love.

The description is poetic, but the moment that thing happens is the least moment I’d want to stay in. But, then it happens. And as it happens, all I know is to stay in the present and let the tears flow like liquid prayers.

The past few months, I find myself crying myself to sleep. And, I couldn’t figure out why and if I pinpoint the reasons, there could be five or six that I can think of. But, more so, I feel it is my soul aching. Aching to do what it wants. It is my soul desiring to love and be loved, to be seen and be appreciated. Even though, I never lacked that growing up, but there’s this threshold that my soul wants to enter, that I cannot reach alone.

Call me maarte or ma-drama, but that is what I want.

Tonight, I don’t want to lament or torment myself of how I am kind of a wee bit far from the place I want to be. There were fleeting moments I’d see glimpses of the possibilities of what lies ahead,and I am truly thankful to God for those moments.

Tonight, I just want to cast out my desires….

I want you to hold my hand, and maintain contact, to speak even without words but through the slightest of touch or if you are not around send me your waves of love even in times I am not loving at all.

I want you, gentle enough to understand me during my crazy moments and whose love will not waver at the slightest rock and movement of the boat.

I want you, not to give up. I want you not to dismiss my feelings but honor and appreciate them as it happens.

Yes, you won’t be perfect. And I will always always do my part to understand you.

Yes, you won’t be sending me the same love I would be giving you. I am not asking you to out-give me. I am simply asking you to be vulnerable enough to feel and join me in this journey.

I want you to hug me when I am hysterical. You don’t really need to spoil me by doing whatever it is that I want. All I want is a simple smile from you and that love that emanates from you telling me you would never abandon me or ask me to go away.

I also want you to be brave enough to tell me what you see in me that I do or say that hurts you or invalidates you. I want you to be transparent to me.

I don’t want you to be scared to tell me the truth.

I want you to TRUST me. I want you not to put up walls when I ask uncomfortable questions. I want you to understand me, that the reason I ask, was for me to know you more and understand you not because I am doubting you.

I want you to be safe in my arms as I hold your precious dreams and desires close to my heart.

I want to be your well of admiration, appreciation and love. I want you to relax in me.

I want you to know I am your ally.

I want to support you achieve your highest version of yourself as you support mine.

I want our partnership to grow with Christ in our midst.

I want to sleep in your arms.

I want you to choose Love not once, not twice but everyday even if it’s hard. But, on moments you fall hard, I will be there with you and be patient with you as you grow into the partnership with me.

The ride won’t be easy. It won’t be always unicorns and rainbows, even though I always paint you scenarios of that. We will go through walls and thorns and fight dragons if we have to. And just Trust in the our Love that over flows from one another.

I want you to love me not because you lack… but because you are so full of it. I have always loved you from an overflow, and when my love tank’s level goes low, I want you to recognize it as a temporary moment.

That, what I need from you is just your arms around me, telling me everything will be alright. You don’t need to have a solution every time.

I want to hear you say: Please stay with me. I don’t want to lose you. Not to be dependent on me or not because you are in need of me. But, because you know you don’t need me, but you want me to be with you.

I want you to never stop showing me how much I mean to you.

I want a love that rewards instead of punishes when one fails or stumbles.

I want you to know my weakness, and trust you enough that you won’t take advantage of it. As i honor yours.

I want you to know, that no matter what happens, you have me. I am your partner, your lover, your sister, your mother, your goddess, your queen, your Shekinah, who will be with you every step of the way and yet wise enough to give you space to grow on your own whenever necessary.

I want you to be comforted in the knowing thatΒ  I accept you just the way you are. Warts and all.

I know all good things take time. I am not asking the heavens to hurry up.

I just wanted to be in touch with my soul and be really clear of what I want to experience in the relationship I choose to be in. In the relationship that I deserve to be in.

Maybe, God is still preparing you. Or maybe I am not ready for you.

I will be here waiting for you.

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Rainbow Day

It’s a Rainbow Day!!!

My special day has arrived!

I celebrated it with my biological family and my family here at home and of course my Boo!

It was a wonderful day!

Boo, came up with a sweet birthday countdown on his facebook wall, which I found adorable. His surprises, came a wee bit early but I didn’t open the package and opted to open it today! (eventhough, I was excited and itching to really open it).

And when I did… ta-da! I got not only one card.. but two!! And a sweet amethyst necklace. It was absolutely one of the sweetest things I got from my Boo! I couldn’t help but blush and just bask underneath his love rays as he beamed and blushed from receiving my response. I couldn’t help but notice his excitement, to which I really find endearing and sweet. I feel like twirling around in a field of daisies or maybe lavenders and then capping it off by sharing a sweet wine with him! How does it get any better than this?

He, also took his time off from work, to which I told him it’s not necessary, we will just find time, but he insisted he wants to spend his time with me, after finding out I did not plan to have a party at all. He also cooked chicken tocino for breakfast, because that was what I was having and cooked an impromptu spaghetti to wish me fun filled long life! We watched 3 idiots together! Another one of my wish list with him! So one down, and many more to go! *winks @ boo* It was not a good idea to watch a foreign film while we are apart, because I can’t make “kulit” since we have to pay attention to the subtitles or otherwise we’d miss parts of the movie! Nevertheless, it was lovely.

During dinnertime, I spent it with my family. The two kids at home were absolutely adorable. Jesse, woke me up and hugged me to wish a Happy Birthday. KZ, gave me her blue guitar keychain. It was sweet! Darlene also came home even though she has her pre-board tomorrow. I really appreciated her effort. She’s the best sister ever!

My phone and facebook wall were filled with well-wishes to those who remembered. I did not ask for my birthday to be alerted when it comes. But, I still enjoyed a few wall posts from friends who remembered. I loved all of it.

I am just thankful for this day. Thankful for God, for the moments and days I spend and the gift called- Life. I am excited for another wonderful year of living life with Love and Light. Always choosing kindness. Even though, there are times I stumble, I procrastinate, going through bad days, releasing my dark side, it’s not perfect…. but I am in the process of simply unveiling what God has given me.

I am also thankful with my family, who has always been there for me and who supports me in my Highest Good and for my own Well-Being. For my Boo, who told me in his sweet way, that he will be with me through my ups and downs and in the many years ahead. That was the sweetest you’ve said sweetheart! For my Ilawod Family, who continue to help light my flame and inspire me. For my DXN Friends, I am Maria, Readers Council, Mission Family, Childhood friends, High school buds, and College chums…. Thank you for staying with me and inspiring me. And to the people that irks me… thank you for always keeping me in check and in balance. You have helped me grown a lot!

So.. Cheers!!

AllΒ of life comes to me with ease and joy and glory.

Rainbows and roses,

Liberty

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Of space captains and Angels

Here’s a wonderful reading from my favorite book of Marianne Williamson πŸ™‚

——————————————————————-

Our wounds have been brought forward, not to block the experience of love, but to serve it. It is in the forgiveness of our weaknesses that we are healed of them, and the tenderness of a forgiven heart is a tenderness that will ultimately heal the world.

Can the purpose of a relationship be to trigger our wounds? In a way, yes.. because that is how healing happens; darkness must be exposed before it can be transformed. It’s not a place where we can hide from our weaknesses, but rather where we can safely let them go. It takes strength of character to truly delve into the mystery of an intimate relationship.

Of Space Captains and Angels

“I came for you, I came for you, but you could not see me. I swam the seas, I traversed the coals, I died a thousand deaths for you. I found my way, I did, I did. But when I got there, you had fallen asleep. You had drunk their potions and I could not wake you. I got there in time but your eyes were closed.”

Oftentimes, we pray for something and then miss the miracle when it actually happens. Many have said. “I wish I could have a great love,” while blind to the fact that it was standing right in front of them.

Sometimes, love arrives as though it were a spaceship landing in the back yard. The captain comes out of the ship and says to us, “Hi! I’m here to beam you up! Come on! We’re going!

Yet so many times we reject him, saying, “Uh well, I cant just leave here so fast. Actually, I cant even believe you’re here. How long do I have to prepare my things?

And he says, “You have no time at all. Your entire life has been spent preparing. Now, we must go quickly. If you wait, your eyes will adjust and you will no longer see me. Ive just landed for a bit, to pick you up. You have an hour max. You can make further plans from the ship.

The captain sees that we are bewildered, but so is he. “Haven’t you been asking for this for years?” he asks.

Well, yes,” we say. “I have. But I guess I didn’t think you were coming…. I sort of made a life for myself here, in the meantime.

Not that much of one, judging from your prayers at night,” he tells us. “Let’s go, if you’re coming, I can’t wait forever.

And then we say, if we say it, what is ultimately the most tragic thing we will ever say, and that is, “No, thank you.”

No, I don’t choose the ride, even though I want it desperately. No, I don’t want to beam up now, even though its a living hell down here. No, I don’t choose the path of wild and radical and authentic love, even though I know I am dying without it. I think I’ll just settle for “good enough”.

Angels are on board those spaceships, appearing everywhere now, often in the guise of loved ones holding the torch that would light our way through darkness. On the other side of that darkness is the light in which dreams come true. But there are demons in that darkness, to be sure, and we can feel them. They almost paralyze us with fear. All those unloved parts of ourselves are there, ugly and twisted and ready to destroy. They live in the darkness, on the other side of which is paradise itself. Even though the only way to paradise is through the darkness – and even though the fire of the angel’s torch will burn the demons up, not us – we do not trust that. We lack faith. We are staunch and calcified in our refusal to choose love, and so we say to the angel, “No, you go ahead. I’ll stay here.

The angel looks at us in disbelief; the refusal of ecstasy is unknown to heaven. The space captain can scarcely believe his ears, but NONINTERFERENCE IN AND RESPECT FOR THE CHOICES OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING (free will), is a must on the enlightened path. Not that you can force anyone onto a spaceship anyway. One only rides on the wings of an angel if one is seriously committed to the experience of heaven. The lure of hell is so real here.

Still, as the ship takes off, the captain looks at the angel on board and notices that there are tiny sparkling rivers of water, falling from her eyes.

Back at the headquarters, the angel reports to higher-ups.

He chose not to go“.

The superior is silent, witnessing the angel’s pain. The angel continues. “I can hardly believe it. He chose not to go.

Do you think he understands the consequences?” asks the superior.

I don’t know.” says the angel.”I think he thinks that staying there is the more responsible thing to do.

Responsible… to whom? To what?

I dont know. Its strange. He’s not ecstatically happy there, but he thinks it’s his duty to stay. He feel its an adult situation and he lives in fear that he is not one.

Yes, of course. We’ll weve seen this before. They choose psychology over poetry. We keep trying to evacuate that realm before the storm hits, but people refuse evacuation.

Yes

You prayed for him, of course.

oh, yes. with all my heart.

Well. Job well done. Sorry if your heart was a little bruised on this mission. It’s one of the risks, you know. It can happen, of course.

of course.

Still, they’re touching creatures.Contentious but touching.

Yes.

The angel was trained for love, she was disciplined for love, but her tears still flowed.

You’re excused. You may go.

As the angel turned around to weep, her superior called her back.

I say one thing…. Do remember – you’ll see him again someday.

Will I really master? Will I really?

Of course you will. You must cling to your own faith at times like these. How else can you convince them of theirs, if you don’t?

FOR MANY OF US, its not that we don’t want the spaceship to come and get us, so much as we are completely taken aback by its form. We expect angels to have a different look. We don’t recognize a gift from heaven, and how could we, when we have not truly believed that heaven exists? We don’t quite compute what has occurred until often it’s too late.

We didn’t think this love would be human. We’re thrown off by his/her profession, or his/her freckles and warts, or his/her past. We didn’t expect love to awaken our biggest fears and insecurities and doubts. We thought it would bring more immediate comfort. And so we wanted it, but we didn’t. When you’ve lived in a dungeon for a very long time, the light, when you see it, actually hurts your eyes.

The arrival of a soulful love often comes quickly, like that spaceship in the yard. There is little time to prepare before the flight takes off, just a window of opportunity, a cresting wave and then its over. There will be little time to pack one’s bags, so its best to travel lightly through life. There will be people you know you should have said good-bye to long ago. We are living in the end times. New beginnings are upon us now.

We cannot burst through the old earth’s atmosphere without another at our side. It takes two to make a spaceship. We can;t generate the power to fuel the ship until we download the forces that only love can burn off. We must be fearless, as only love can make us fearless. We must be tender, as only love can make us tender. We must be fierce, as only love can make us fierce.

How weak we are when we are not yet ready to let love rip us open.

Is this thought – that a woman’s love cannot transform a man, that a man’s love cannot transform a woman – really to be heralded as some kind of wisdom? It is not wisdom. It is a poisonous emotional pesticide that kills the fruits of love. It is a denial of the deeper regions of the heart, a resistance to the experience of freedom.

The miracle of love is expressed through other people. When a beloved is sent from God – and no one can tell you if they are, but the spirit within you – then they do hold the key to your soul’s liberation. God has given it to them. They contain, in every touch and sigh, the information you need, the miraculous power to alchemize your weakness and turn them into strengths, to dry your tears and turn them into genius, to release your chains and set you free to be your passionate self at last.

Woe to the one who does not yet know enough to say a deep and robust ” Yes” to such love, to bow before its truth, to be humble before its power, to surrender to the gales of wind that storm through lovestruck hearts.

How tragic it is when we are too arrogant to defer to love, to put all small considerations and say, “I am going there.” How stupid it is to say no to the power of God’s loving choice for us. How sad it is to think so little of ourselves that we cannot believe that he or she stands before us, sent by God, is an angel come to give us wings. We have so little awe these days before the mysteries of the universe.

Yet if we are in the habit of denying God, then of course we deny His angels, too. And they hold, like pietas, the bodies of our unchosen loves. Angels weep – because their hears are open – and I think God weeps as well to see such joy denied. And you continue to pray for what you’ve already received, and will one day realize that what you let fly by was a miracle intended to heal you. You might even say so, but by then.. it will probably be too late.

Angels only come to pick up passengers, to fly away with them to paradise. Everything else is so ultimately silly and everything else is so sad. There is one more thing to know about the angel who came for you. The angel who came to fly you to paradise in reality had only one wing. She needed the angel in you to come forth, to be to her what she was willing to be to you. Thus your need for, your dance, your flight with each other.tumblr_lrjlmuyeYT1qz72oio1_500

Together, you would have had one set of wings.

Next time she comes – whoever she is – perhaps you will not deny her. Next time she comes, be humble before God. Next time she comes, admit your pain. Next time she comes, come forth yourself. Next time she comes, let go your resistance. Next time she comes, be brave.

I dont know if we can hold onto this, you said.

Why couldn’t we? I asked. I could see you slipping back and it scared me.

We can’t be this way, and stay responsible. We cant be this way.. and I dont know.. I just dont think we cant be this way.

Then you can’t. But I can. And then I swam away.

Its hard to show for someone else when you don’t know how to show up for yourself. how can you give of yourself when you don’t really think you’re anything worth giving? Sometimes we block the flow when we think that we personally have nothing to give.

What love does if it is allowed to, is to combine people’s energies in ways that lift their lives to a mode of divine right order, where new ideas, new possibilities, and new opportunities for growth emanate directly from the heart of God. Our job is not to abort the process.

The challenge of our generation is to move from me to we. That is the maturity we assume when we wish to learn to love each other from a healed and holy place. Narcissistic people are lonely. Narcissistic people misunderstand independence, often mistaking the commitment to aloness for psychological health.

We were taught to go after things that we could control. Love, of course, drives you, and not the other way around. Most of us both, men and women, are terrified of merging our hearts with another. We say were not, but we are. Even when we are in relationships, we avoid their mystical power. We turn lovers into roommates, butlers or maids. We avoid the real light and were afraid it will swallow us up. And that’s because it would, and it does! Overwhelming our sense of separateness is in fact love;s spiritual purpose. A career, you can control. Love, you can’t. Terrifying news that, but wonderful once you get the hang of it.

cheerful bouquets

Cheerful bouquets sounds so Spring-ish!

and, well yesterday … or was it today? that it’s the Day 1 of Spring!!! or to some they celebrate what they call Spring Equinox or Ostara!!! πŸ™‚

And well with that a lot of Spring Cleaning has come to surface. and its best to just carry on and do the cleaning yourself, whether it be a certain home space, physical, or emotional and spiritual baggage in stored.

It was supposed to be a portosawa date with my Boo today, but he is well feeling under the weather the past few days. But, he was very thoughtful enough to spend our day listening to Ninang on the radio, to which she greeted us twice!!! Oh ha? Both of us felt very elated! Thanks Ninang!!! (and i have to commend Boo’s effort to be on time, as he cooked the crabs fast and with a warning he said: “Lagot kayo ni Ninang pag di masarap ang crabs!) Boo talaga! Those are my fun memories with Boo.

To my Boo, I hope you get a good rest tonight, I know the past few days, I’ve been quiet close to impossible, appearing with my demands (thanks for being extra patient on this). When I could just instead love and support your wishes and desires. Sawree!

But, I would really miss the morning ritual with you…. *sigh* Angels angels make me sleep till 6am or 7am… dont wake me up na super early…. T_T

And below is the get Spring Started List from Vineyard Vines. Woot woot!!!

tumblr_n2qx2v1yyC1qzv3vjo1_500I love Spring, for the reason that flowers are blooming! And it sounds like a perfect fun day to go wear your sundress, riding a bicycle with flowers on your basket, as you sing merrily…… huwaaaaa. If Boo is nearby, and we live inΒ  a country-setting, I’d prolly go visit him all the time with my bicycle, and bring him his favorite comfort foods and some herbs (to which he would cringe) and lots of citrus… so he would be well. { it’s good to dream now and then!!!}

Anyhow, I just wish to greet everybody… Happy Spring!!!!! {kahit walang Spring sa Pinas, nyahahhahaha} and grateful to God for this awesome season!! πŸ™‚