Something mean

He said something mean today. But, I deserve it. Thats what I get when I lash out at someone else. 

I do take back the bad things I said.

He knows what he has been doing. No need for me to call out on that.

It is quiet unfair of him to ask for kindness when he hasnt shown me kindness at the worst of times.

The worst was when he said: “deal with your own feelings alone”.

But, I still forgave him. 

He left me when my dad died, when he could just have been there. That was strike two.

I forgave him.

He visited the Philippines but never took time to see me. Strike three.

Forgiven as always.

He wasnt being real with the pictures he sent me and never offered to explain. (I was waiting for one)

I took the blind eye and gave him another benefit of the doubt.

I’d catch him lying and he would inadvertently turn the tables around.

He would accuse me of lying but I just tried my best to understand him.

Yes, i had my flaws and I also am partly responsible for allowing all this.

And i take full responsibility.

When he stopped talking to me and he dragged it on for a month. That was when I knew. Hanggang saan lang ako sa buhay nya.

I did not take him on as a challenge to conquer. Or I loved him because he was challenging. 

All I did was to love him the best way I can. 

But not all the time I will be too nice for him, specially when he has been disrespecting my feelings and disregarding me as “madrama”.

I asked friends whether their boyfriend does that to them.

But, no they don’t.

I just thought that was one of the quirks I could live with.

But, I did my best to give our relationship a chance. To no avail.

There would never be one without honesty and openness.

I dont even know his middle name! He would stop talking to me if I ask about any details with him. He never shared parts of his private life. Four years, and still hiding behind an online shadow. I guess. Thats enough.

Just remember that everytime one points a finger to someone, three fingers are pointing back.

On my end. It simply did not work.

But, I shall love and work on my forgiveness for him from afar and in the light.

May both of us be healed from the experience. 

So mote it be.


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