I am a bad person

Today, I am a bad person.

I want him to hate me so much that in turn will make me hate him.

If i dont do it.. I feel i will be stuck in limbo still hoping and wishing for his sana, bakit at ewan.

It will be good so that if he wishes to start something new or meets someone new, he will be moving forward easily. Without me, in the picture.

He can get on with his life without the need to hang around and wonder about me. 

And I want him to have a good life. Although i was so bad earlier I wish him badly. Because, theres frustration in me. 

I should always remember he was never around during the moments I need him the most. And one needs to know that, that is not how you treat someone special who is grieving. And i know I deserve better and he deserves someone better as well. 

I will never be better for him.

Good, maybe .. On times he needs me. But, better for him? I will never be enough. And that, will forever remain.

Today, I will do my cutting cord ritual. 

Thank you for teaching me a 4year lesson my friend. Thank you. 

I wish you well. 

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