It’s terrifying

The art of love in romantic relationships is in some form an emotional midwifery. Whenever we find ourselves holding our beloved to merge and come together in a new form, it can be both exhilarating and terrifying.

It can threaten the beast within us as it approaches death, it can get very loud before it shines it’s beauty, and while it is being transmuted… a partner might say to you: “This is too high maintenance, I did not sign up for this. I can’t do this. I’m leaving.”

The dark part… the cocoon.. can be scary. Specially, if we don’t know what lies ahead. This cocoon will also eat up all parts that is not required for the journey. All issues will be brought up to the surface, in order for it to be healed.

The thing about relationship is…. it can be terrifying. While it can be a source of a whole lotta love, hugs, kisses, cuddles, compassion, care, someone to listen and talk to, someone who will understand you, someone to experience intimacy with, sprinkles of fairy dust, magical days, can be a source of comfort more than chocolate and a cup of coffee can bring, refreshing than my apple fruit bursts, or more comforting than a vanilla scent wafting in the air….

But  On the other hand…of the spectrum…
It can be terrifying!

Ive known of all these things intellectually, but having faced all these with my partner… it is indeed terrifying. It can consume you… but then, despite all the tears… I know I had to go through it… and just reach through the fire for my lover’s hands. Because, if one’s love is real… the fire won’t actually burn you…. and that the fire is necessary to purify your love for another. [insert song: Through the Fire – Chaka Khan]

It’s amazing that in churches, fire like water plays a very important role in the process…. In relationships, there’s always this emotional fire that can burn you, if you are not prepared. Or, it can heal you…. if one stayed long enough to see the miracle.

And going through the fire with my boo-loved, I am deeply humbled and frequently in tears, not because of pain(although that is present) but because of the vulnerability. That my walls are breaking, that I have finally trusted someone with my heart and soul…. completely.

I remember a passage from Marc Gafni who wrote, the Mystery of Love about an erotic lover and how I gushed about the idea of one day having that kind of love…

“The litmus test of an erotic lover is this: Does this person lead you back to your inner self? Are you able to share with him or her your most vulnerable, fledgling, faltering dreams? Every person has a Holy of Holies which, in those most intimate of times, we let another enter as the priest to worship at our altar. And in the gorgeous paradox of the spirit, by letting a lover enter we ourselves are let in as well. For when the Temple door is open and the lover enters, we ourselves trail behind. We gain uncommon access to our inner selves, a place that we are often unable to reach alone. The true lover always takes you home.” – Mystery of Love – Marc G

With my boo… I began to discover a part of me… that can love so deeply….

There are moments when the midnight chimes, the slipper breaks, the thorns will get in the way, the dragons will slay you, and the star that we wish on will fade…. because all these growth that comes in Being together will definitely ache and give us both pain… and our tempers will often almost collide… but I do hope that despite all this our love is greater than these challenges and that our love, like wine… will grow sweeter with time.

Thank you for always choosing to stay with me boo… I really appreciate it.

With all this…. chaos…. as we both go through our inner journey…. before we merge again…  I just rest in the knowing… that he will always be loved by me… pero before that makakatikim siya ng pitik at pinch. Ahihihihi Bleh. 😛


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