Fragrance

  Spent the whole day with nature. It is awesome to be in the midst and just see all the majestic beauty around.

Flowers abound.

I am then reminded to be the fragrance of the rose even to the hands that is crushing it.

My anger is not the way to go. 

Today, I release him in the spirit of Love. May he fulfill his dreams and may he enjoy his life. 

I send you my blessings of a wonderful new life.

Heavenly Help

After that emotional fit, on the background I had music on the shuffle and while I was starting yo cry, the song played: “I’m only one call away, Ill be there to save the day, superman’s got nothing on me… Im only one call away.”

And that song captures what I wish to have in a relationship. To have someone to call on to. 

But, at that instant.. I did not think of a romantic interest. I just immediately imagined it was God singing to me. I know He is a call away. And I know that when I have troubles it was always Him and His angels I call on to. I could always count on Him. 

It’s a reminder to never put your expectations solely on one person, because nothing beats the love God has for me.

And i bawled away with that realization.

A few minutes after, i got a message from a sisterette of mine, saying I step outside.

I thought it was a joke and i told her, yeah i know you are there. 

A few minutes later she said: Wag ka na mag gown. Baba ka na and labas na.

And i squealed: Seriously???

And so I went down. She was really there. And gave me Ali Baba shawarma. 

That was so sweet! 

She said she was worried and may have been sulking in the corner. 

I told her I would get by. It will be hard but ill go through it. This is just a phase. 

I may not have a man who will love me because he really loves me but I have sisters who will go out of their way to make me feel better. 

And I have God who loves me and who is always with me. 

Who sends me flowers or butterflies everyday… and guides and protects me. I know I may not listen always because I can get stubborn or I ten to trust other people immediately but you always got my back when it is too much. 

Please, Lord.. Heal the heart of my beloved.. I still wish him the best. 

And also heal mine. 😊

Yours,

K

I am a bad person

Today, I am a bad person.

I want him to hate me so much that in turn will make me hate him.

If i dont do it.. I feel i will be stuck in limbo still hoping and wishing for his sana, bakit at ewan.

It will be good so that if he wishes to start something new or meets someone new, he will be moving forward easily. Without me, in the picture.

He can get on with his life without the need to hang around and wonder about me. 

And I want him to have a good life. Although i was so bad earlier I wish him badly. Because, theres frustration in me. 

I should always remember he was never around during the moments I need him the most. And one needs to know that, that is not how you treat someone special who is grieving. And i know I deserve better and he deserves someone better as well. 

I will never be better for him.

Good, maybe .. On times he needs me. But, better for him? I will never be enough. And that, will forever remain.

Today, I will do my cutting cord ritual. 

Thank you for teaching me a 4year lesson my friend. Thank you. 

I wish you well. 

Keeping the distance

It’s good to keep my distance amongst people the past few days. Before, I have been accepting way too many coffee meetings in a day and I’m so wired, I couldn’t see straight.

So, yeah. It’s best to stick with my good ole Lingzhi coffee at home and lock myself up in my lil office and accomplish my goal.

Heartache? Sa side ka na muna. Later na ulit resume the grieving.

Might smoke in between yes.